How do you prepare to expect the unexpected?
After several months of bizarre and worsening symptoms, I ended up in the hospital from a ruptured ovarian cyst. Because of my strong family history of ovarian cancer, the ER GYN specialist told me we could not rule out cancer at that time. I was sent home with pain medication to get me through the next few days and instructions to follow up with my OBGYN.
My follow up appointment was anxiety provoking, to say the least. 🚩 The doctor told me there was no concern of ovarian cancer presently or in my future, could not answer my questions, and gave me the all too common solution of the birth control pill, dismissing my previous bad experiences with it. This doctor was not going to work for me, so onto the next!
After lots of research, I finally ended up finding the right doctor to move forward with. She had great bedside manner and was a positive energy person. I felt safe putting my trust in her, as she answered all of my questions patiently and above all, listened to an accumulation of bizarre symptoms without being dismissive. My case was finally being taken seriously! Over the next 8 months, I went through several types of exams, bloodwork and imaging tests, including a CT scan, several ultrasounds, and an MRI. 🚩 My new doctor was certain I had several endometriomas on my ovaries. Endometriomas, also known as “chocolate cysts”, are Endometriosis cysts of the ovary. We decided to go ahead with surgery to remove them. I was eager to rule out the possibility of malignancy, but Endometriosis was never mentioned as a possibility.
My surgery turned out to be anything but predictable.
My surgeon opened me up to find stage IV Endometriosis and a frozen pelvis with all reproductive organs fused to the bowel. Unable to identify or reach the endometriomas, she determined that this surgery was beyond her skillset and instead treated it as an exploratory laparoscopy to better inform my next surgeon. Her prognosis was that I would most likely need a total hysterectomy and a bowel resection and that someone with more experience should handle my case. It was the worst case of Endometriosis she had ever seen.
At this point in my story, I had no idea how to prepare myself for such flexibility in expectations regarding my health. While it was a relief to find out there was no malignancy, the news still hit me hard.
In a way, though, finally receiving a diagnosis after so many years in the dark was validating. But working in a field that relies heavily on physicality and being early on in my career, I felt as though I had been stopped in my tracks.
I felt as if the plug had been forcibly pulled on my dreams and aspirations.
I was mourning the loss of my career before it even had the chance to truly begin.
It was a struggle to keep the gravity of my diagnosis from consuming and defining me.
The past few years, I have been on a long path to physical and mental recovery. It has taken me several attempts to better receive unexpected news, but I have had a lot of practice and have picked up a useful skill along the way.
So how do you prepare to expect the unexpected?
Drop result expectations altogether.
With expectation comes pressure, something we all need less of. One of the most valuable skills I have learned in recent years is to detach myself from expectations related to results. This has been healthier for me in my recovery and in my career. Waiting on test results? Have an important performance coming up? Taking an audition or interview?
Drop the expectations!
—
Thank you for reading part II of My Story! Wishing you expectation-free and in-the-moment vibes always! 🎶
Sincerely,
